Until Death Do Us Part or Until The First Of The Month

What has happened to the importance of marriage? It seems that the number of those who believe in what it stands for has dwindled severely.  This post is not about who should be allowed to get married, but rather why people are getting married just for the sake of being married. It is simply ridiculous that people are getting married left and right, and don’t even make it to a year of marriage. Why in the world were you married in the first place? It doesn’t help that a lot of these so-called real marriages ending in divorce before a year’s time, are being committed by celebrities. They are not setting good examples for those who admire them.

A good example of this issue, is the marriage that lasted a total of 72 days between Chris Humphries and Kim Kardashian. I believe their marriage was a sham from the beginning. I believe they  married on the basis of fame and fortune. It was obvious to onlookers that their relationship was not based on any true values. Based on an article on http://www.healthguidance.org, most people would say that dating someone for two to three years is a good time frame to learn enough about that person before you decide whether marriage is suitable for your relationship. I definitely agree with that time frame. Kim K. and Chris Humphries were engaged after six months of dating. Based on their lifestyles, how could they possibly know each other well enough to jump into a marriage after six months?

I am in no way implying that celebrities should stick out a marriage that is harmful to those involved. However, I do believe that because of the lifestyles celebrities lead, they have to apply extra care and attention to maintaining and securing their relationships and marriages. When celebrities like Kim K. and Chris Humphries get married and don’t take the commitment they made seriously, it can be damaging to those who do not have a good example of what a marriage is about and should be based on. I am not saying that people should look to celebrities for advice on how to lead a healthy relationship, but it seems that the younger generations are leaning more on what they see on TV rather than the examples set in their own homes.

While I know this is beating a dead horse, the media should shed more light on marriages that actually work. There are plenty of celebrities that are married and have security in their relationship. I am sure they applied more care and focus on strengthening and managing their relationships, which is why theirs works. A good example of a successful celebrity marriage is Denzel Washington and Paulette Washington. They obviously didn’t marry for the attention they would get, but rather the real reasoning behind committing to your partner until death do you part.

I am aware that no one is no longer talking about the 72-day marriage between Kim K. and Chris Humphries; this post was actually influenced by the marriage between Chad Johnson and Evelyn Lozada. They were married for a total of 41 days after Lozada filed for divorce after being involved in a domestic dispute. They dated for four months before becoming engaged. What happened to courtship? Their relationship was not based on real values, definitely not any values worthy of marriage. Johnson regularly cheated on Lozada, who was aware. That alone is a reason not to marry someone, and it happened to be the reason that the domestic dispute occurred.  Apparently there were several red flags before the marriage took place, but yet again, we have celebrities who are not focused on what a  marriage should be based on. Unfortunately, you cannot expect someone to change because they have a ring on their finger, especially if their behavior before the marriage was accepted.

Abuse is a valid reason for divorce, but it’s also a valid reason not to engage in a marriage. Johnson was found guilty for slapping a girlfriend in 2000 and had to complete a treatment program. People can change, but he obviously did not. This leads me to believe this probably isn’t the first time he’s hit her. However, that may be something we will never know.

All in all, marriage is taking a beating, and we have those who don’t understand what it should be based on to thank. No, I don’t think celebrities are the only ones who are tarnishing marriage; they just happen to be the focus in this post. I would also like to say that there are some successful marriages where the couple dated for a short period of time before getting married, but this doesn’t seem to be the case in Hollywood.

Below are links that I found some of the information used in this post:

http://www.healthguidance.org/entry/15125/1/Average-Time-to-Date-Before-Marriage.html

http://sports.yahoo.com/news/chad-johnson-other-nfl-players-domestic-violence-arrests-035300138–nfl.html

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About Tyla Times

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Posted on Tue.Aug.28.2012, in Life Lessons and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 7 Comments.

  1. I couldn’t agree more the values of marriage have been lost.

  2. In part I think that the change of culture is to blame. Most people will not fix a marriage they will just leave and start over. You have numerous shows portraying casual sex, on and off relationships, living together and then separating, girls and guys who end and start relationships like they change socks. It is all about the party life, the drinking, who is cuter, who has better style, etc. It feels like the world has become so dense. Like most people have lost their sense of morals, values, and traditions. It goes back to my post on facebook about all these little girls running around trying to get the most guys or ending and starting another relationship right away… I love the song by Pink “Stupid Girl!” It fits perfect…. I see countless pictures of girls with beers in their hands and cigarettes. They are out at clubs and bragging about how many guys they have been with or how many guys they can get…. Some I know are not of age… Women feel they can be like guys, be players, and use men and the female empowerment all on the wrong areas. This is my opinion and if you want to be that way and it makes you happy… MORE POWER TO YOU… I think of empowerment as women having successful careers, strong character, and important positions. Women who do not let a man dictate their life and strive for their own. Who work out their issues and who are independent. I have been married for 7 years and going. I am not going to say it has been easy because I would be lying. WE have had our ups and our downs. The ups have been great and the downs have been really lows. What has kept my marriage together has been the commitment. The ability to work through the lows and to grow from them. I thought I was grown and that I knew everything about life. Getting married was one slap in the face and having kids was another. I can tell you that both Juan and I grew up a lot once we had our kids. Do we fight? OF COURSE. We are human and most times people point out and talk down about their husbands or significant others. I think that is MISTAKE NUMBER UNO!!! No one is perfect and while it is easy to assign blame and bring up another persons’ faults… We have our own faults. We are not perfect. Most people don’t understand and won’t understand that the other person is another person and that he has a whole other world in their head. While we have similarities we have differences. We need to learn to respect another persons opinion and be considerate. When their is an argument or a problem most times it is both people’s fault. BUT the focus and emotions are so caught up that time is spent on finding ways to blame instead of finding solutions to the problem or the situation. We are in a place where if it doesn’t work you throw it away. Instead of fixing the problem and building a stronger foundation because they made a commitment. Will I always be married? I hope so, but who knows only time will tell. But as long as he keeps trying, I will too. Once there is a person who doesn’t want to try then the relationship is over. My husband even tells me if you would have been like that I would have never married you… Just my two cents and of course I would be called old fashioned and I am happy with that. i would rather die old fashion than to be like these girls today…I agree with you it seems as courtship does not exist and most of these girls are in risky relationships…

    • there***
      ***My husband even tells me, “if you would have been like that I would have never married you..”

      (Sorry its late and Ely was crying) =0)

      • Excellent response Carla! I am glad that there are people who still have this mindset and believe in true reasoning behind marriage.

  3. You are so right Tyla, it is sad when the younger generation try to emulate celebrities. A lot of them maybe genuine, but they live in very plastic world. Loved the article.

    • It is extremely sad. I’m truly grateful that I’ve had my parents to look up to. I can only hope that this younger generation will take the initiative to look beyond what they’re shown on TV. Thank you for reading!

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