Girl Code: To Date or Not to Date

threesomeImagine this, you’ve met a wonderful man. He’s charming, good-looking, employed, has a car, and a  place to live. You think this guy would be very suitable for you. You and this guy have a lot in common like your favorite restaurant, where you went to school, and the basketball team you cheer for. Here’s the game-changer, he dated your best friend. Quite the dilemma, huh?

As women, we are all aware of the girl-code. Thou shall not date thy best friend’s ex-boyfriend. I know a lot of women have faced this very situation. There’s a lot at stake. Do you stick to the girl-code and not even consider the ex-boyfriend as an option, or do you risk your friendship to take a chance on love? There is no easy solution to this problem, but that’s not going to keep me from sharing my take.

The girl-code is something that I take seriously. A lot of my girlfriends have been there for me through thick and thin. So, I would never consider any of their exes up for grabs for many reasons. My number one reason is that although my friend is no longer with this person, she at some time or another had feelings for this guy and possibly even loved him. Another reason why I wouldn’t date him is because I’ve probably heard all the bad things that’s happened in their relationship and why it didn’t work out. If a guy is not good enough for my friend, he’s most likely not good enough for me. All my closest friends are quality women by the way. An additional reason I wouldn’t consider my girl’s ex is because it would just make for an awkward situation. Could you imagine going on a double date with your bestie and her new beau? Everyone at the dinner table has some way been involved with your gal pal on a personal level. Awkward!

Now, I know this code doesn’t exist in some friendships. It’s either because both friends don’t care for it, or just one friend doesn’t think it applies to her . In the latter situation, I know these types of friendships probably don’t last very long. If you have to ask yourself, “Self, would my best friend be upset if I dated her ex-boyfriend?”, then you probably shouldn’t take the risk. Some people will argue that it should be okay to date your best friend’s ex boyfriend. To that I say, to each his or her own. I personally value and respect my friend and her feelings more than an opportunity to date her ex-boyfriend.

It’s common knowledge that not all friendships are built to last. Sometimes we just outgrow each other. No friendship is perfect; these relationships always have their ups and downs. However, you shouldn’t add to the drama by doing something that could possibly hurt your friend. At times we do things unintentionally that hurt our friends, but dating your bff’s ex-boyfriend is a choice that you make and is definitely intentional.

I don’t believe that there is only one person in the world for you. There’s definitely more fish in the sea; fish that haven’t been caught and thrown back by your best friend.


Posted on Wed.Apr.03.2013, in Life Lessons and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 4 Comments.

  1. Yea dating a best friends ex would make everything really awkward. Ya’ll could never do things together. It’s just not a good idea period.

  2. I was trying to think of scenarios where it would be okay to date a girlfriend’s Ex and on paper I came up with a number of reasons why it’s alright. The thing is, in reality the eeeeew and uncool factors just can’t be escaped. I agree, there’s no upside to dating a friend’s ex.

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