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A letter to a friend

Girl Code: To Date or Not to Date

What About Your Friends?

What about your friends
Will they stand their ground
Will they let you down again
What about your friends are they gonna be low down
Will they ever be around or will they turn their backs on you
(Chorus from “What About Your Friends” by TLC)

Alright, so this topic comes as a request from one of my faithful readers. The question is, if you knew your close friend’s bf/gf were cheating, would you tell?

Without a doubt, my answer would be yes! I’ve actually been in this situation before and without hesitation, I told my friend that I knew her boyfriend was cheating. As her friend, I felt it was my duty to share that information with her.  For the few people I truly consider to be friends, I practice the utmost loyalty towards them. My friends’ significant others are not my friends, so I in no way feel indebted to them. Why would I withhold information from my friend that directly affects him or her? If the roles were reversed, I would expect my friend to do the same.

I’ve never cheated on anyone in my life, but I’ve been cheated on several times. It’s an awful feeling and no one should feel that way, especially if they don’t deserve it. The thought of a relationship being built on lies is enough to break down some of the strongest people. Not to mention, if those who know keep the information to themselves, they’re also contributing to the lie. Furthermore, being lied to is not the only concern involved in cheating. The fact that you’re having sex with someone outside of your relationship can ultimately put everyone’s health at risk.

These are the things I kept in mind before I gave the news to my friend. I knew that the information I had would hurt her, but it was something she should know so that she could find means to protect herself and deal with the situation. I truly consider my closest friends to be an extension of my family. I want the best for them and will help them to achieve it.

However, I realize that not everyone will share the same sentiments. There are people who would not say a word to their friends about their cheating partner. I have no idea why a “friend” would withhold that information, but to each his or her own. I just know that I better not have any of those types of “friends” on my team, even though I’m sure I don’t.

Cherish the friend who tells you a harsh truth, wanting ten times more to tell you a loving lie.  ~Robert Brault,

To Date or Not to Date: The Parental Factor

The topic of this post was suggested by my Line Sister, Alegra.  Let’s see, where do I begin? Well, if you can recall the movie, Meet the Parents, then you can fully understand how nerve-racking this encounter can be. During the entire movie, Greg Focker tried his best to impress and be accepted by his father-in-law, Jack (Robert De Niro). Focker was subjected to a lie detector test and even had a background check run on him. Fortunately for Greg, he was eventually accepted.

Being introduced to someone’s parents should be held as a major turning point in any romantic relationship. For me, it symbolizes the relationship moving to the next level. In the past, I’ve allowed less than a handful of guys to meet my parents. I’ve since then have become even more reluctant on who meets my parents, solely because the couple of guys that I did grant the honor to, in all truthfulness, I realize didn’t deserve it.  Nevertheless, preparation did take place prior to the meeting. There was a lot of quizzing and answering of questions. Considering what was going to take place, who wouldn’t want to be well-prepared? For many people, being accepted by your significant other’s parents is truly gratifying. In a lot of cases, acceptance by the parents is like the gateway to acceptance by the entire family. After it’s all said and done, it can be exonerating to everyone involved.

Now, here’s where it may get interesting. What if after all the preparing and impressing (so you thought) you’ve attempted, your girl/boyfriend’s parents did not accept you? Needless to say, there is no guarantee that whoever you decide to bring home to meet the parents will be accepted. I’m pretty sure it’s obvious what you would do, should your parents decide to accept your beau. The question is, what should you do if they don’t? Do you continue to date your partner?

From my knowledge, I have not been in this situation. I mentioned the disclaimer because for all I know, my parents may have not accepted any of my exes, but decided not to say anything because they could foresee the future of the relationship.  However, if by some random chance I am knowingly put in this situation, I would try to handle it as maturely as possible. My parents are high school sweet hearts and have been married for 28 years. So, I would most certainly say that I do value their insight on relationships. I would approach the situation by having an in-depth mature conversation with my parents to find out why they chose not to accept the man I felt was worthy enough to be introduced to them. I know this talk would provide a lot of insight for both sides, but whether or not I take heed to their concerns would totally be up to me. Although I would listen to what my parents had to say, ultimately, I would not breakup with a man solely because they did not accept him.

I stated how I would handle the situation, but I know taking this route may not be an option for others. I know there are people out there who would choose not to continue a relationship because their partner was not accepted by their parents. That is their choice and I can’t judge them for that. Their parents’ approval may be just that important that they’re willing to take a chance on ending something that may or may not have been fruitful. However, I do realize that continuing a relationship after your partner was not accepted could result in a roller coaster ride. What adult son or daughter enjoys the feeling of going against their parents? I know I don’t, but as an adult, I have to make my own decisions and live with the consequences.

At times it can seem as though our parents’ opinions are better off being called facts, although deep down we know they aren’t. I think that even as adults, we believe that everything our parents do and say is what’s best for us, but that may not be the case in every scenario.

At the end of the day, your relationship is just that, it’s yours. So, whether or not your parents accept your relationship, it’s up to you to decide what happens next. In my opinion, it would be unfair to your partner if you only listen to what others say even if it is your parents. Don’t get me wrong though, there may very well be an instance or two that your parents don’t accept your partner because they can see what you can’t. You just have to deal with each relationship on an individual basis and put it in retrospect when it applies. In closing, if the relationship is meant to last, then everyone is going to either move forward and/or learn how to cope.

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